


The Least That I Could Do

by InkandOwl



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 06:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18685615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkandOwl/pseuds/InkandOwl
Summary: Link kicks at Levi’s shoe, “I’ve been trying to have a conversation with you for the past five minutes, and it’s turning into a monologue. I didn’t tell you to take a vow of silence, you know.” He narrows his eyes then, but there’s a curve to his lips, “Or is this you pouting because I told you something I didn’t want to hear.”The words twist up in Levi’s stomach and make him nauseas and he swallows, shaking his head, “I just want to be better. He deserves that.” Now Levi is terrified that everything he’s going to do for the rest of his life is going to come across as a cry for attention. He can’t even get self improvement right.“You are—” Link gestures to him, “A lot, Levi Schmitt.”--Levi learns that some things can't be fixed with a Band-Aid





	The Least That I Could Do

There hasn’t been a time in Levi’s speaking life, where he hasn’t been told he talks to much. He’s certain that people have probably been saying it since he first learned how to form words. He could see it in the tension line between his mother’s eyebrows when he was ten and following her around the kitchen, and in the way his only friend in high school would sigh when Levi would open his mouth. 

It’s not his fault. Or— It is his fault, but he doesn’t know how to stop it. 

Levi is anxious and he’s scared and he’s confused and totally out in left field almost all the time. For once, he just wants to know what’s going on before someone has to tell him to shut up. 

“I really thought that silence would look sexy on you.” Taryn slides a cup across the break room table to him, “It’s weird though, and you’re bringing the mood down.” 

Levi watches the bubbles cling to the Styrofoam and tries not to cry. 

_It’s not about you, Levi_

He repeats it in his head until he can take a deep breath and smile at her. “I’m tired, that’s all.” He looks tired— they all do, and it’s helpful to his cause. 

“When are you off?” 

Levi stretches in his seat, “Uhhh, an hour, maybe more. I think I’m done with my paperwork, but there’s always a chance I forgot something.” 

“Cool, cool.” Taryn watches him carefully, “Hey, how’s Nico?” 

The whole hospital knows. Of course they know. “I, um— He’s—” Levi presses his fingernail into the rim of the cup, leaving a tiny indent. And then he shrugs. _I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know_. He can’t meet Taryn’s eyes, so he pushes himself out of his chair and leaves his drink behind. 

#

“Why do you have to do everything in extremes?” Link asks, a little harsh, but not entirely unkind. He’s watching Levi struggle to tie his shoes, which is embarrassing for a surgeon. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” He gives up and sits on his hands instead. It’s not like he’s in a rush to be anywhere. 

Link kicks at Levi’s shoe, “I’ve been trying to have a conversation with you for the past five minutes, and it’s turning into a monologue. I didn’t tell you to take a vow of silence, you know.” He narrows his eyes then, but there’s a curve to his lips, “Or is this you pouting because I told you something I didn’t want to hear.” 

The words twist up in Levi’s stomach and make him nauseas and he swallows, shaking his head, “I just want to be better. He deserves that.” Now Levi is terrified that everything he’s going to do for the rest of his life is going to come across as a cry for attention. He can’t even get self improvement right. 

“You are—” Link gestures to him, “A lot, Levi Schmitt.”

“Thank you.” Levi runs his hand over the back of his neck before dragging it back over his hair and covering his eyes. 

Link laughs, “That’s not a bad thing. You have a good heart and a hell of a lot of tenacity, but there’s a middle ground here that I think you’re gliding right past. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.” 

The unspoken ‘but’ hangs there in his words. He doesn’t say it though, because Link is a _good_ communicator and he doesn’t fill the room with unnecessary noise. Levi reaches down and ties his shoe, “I know, you didn’t. I mean— maybe you did a little bit, but I needed it. I’m working on that middle ground right now.” He picks at the fraying bits of denim on his knee, “Alone.” 

Link gestures to the entirety of him, “Work in progress, I like that. You know what I like to do to clear my mind? Work out.” 

Levi snorts, “You don’t say?” 

That makes Link laugh, and it loosens up a little bit of that tightness in Levi’s chest. “All I’m saying, is maybe find something active to do. Sometimes moving around helps give you a little bit of clarity, and lord knows we all need some change of scenery from these hospital walls. You have headphones?” Levi nods, “Excellent, go for a run. I’ll give you a link to my Spotify playlist, I worked really hard on it.” 

He winks at Levi and pats him hard on the back. 

Levi wonders what it would be like to be Link. To be handsome and effortless— to know all the right words to say at all of the right times, and how to read the room. “Are we going to start lifting weights together?” 

Link looks at Levi’s arms and pulls his lips between his teeth, “Start with running.” 

Levi grins, “Give me the playlist.” 

#

Levi does go running. 

He actually starts with walking, because he finds he gets breathless really quickly, and there’s something sharp about the air in Washington that burns in his lungs. After two days of walking though, he does go running, Link’s playlist blasting loudly enough in his ears that it’s probably unhealthy. 

Nico is still not talking to him. At least, not about what matters. 

It’s small talk here and there— like coworkers who still don’t know how to navigate the emotional landscape of having nothing in common, and it hurts worse than being broken up with. Levi wants to talk every time he sees him though. He wants to demand a heart to heart and a hug and even tears— he wants it so much that it makes his skin itch when they’re in the same room together. 

Levi knows better though, and despite the way it makes his ears ring and his hands shake, he doesn’t ask for it. Not anymore. 

Because it’s not his. 

The sky turns grey, which isn’t anything surprising or even necessarily worrying in a place like Seattle, but still— it opens up and unleashes a freezing onslaught of rain onto Levi while he’s running through the park. He’s far from his mom’s place, he had left from his shift at the hospital for this, and Levi stops dumbly in the rain and looks towards the west end of the park. Nico’s place is only a block away and Levi has dry, clean clothes there still. 

But what if Nico doesn’t want to _see_ him at his apartment right now? 

Levi is starting to shiver, his shirt soaked through, and he sighs. He’ll just ask for his clothes and wait down in the coffee shop until the storm passes to stay out of Nico’s hair. 

By the time he makes it to the front door, Levi is positive he’s going to drop dead from hypothermia. Or at least lose a few digits. He knocks gently enough that he isn’t sure Nico will even hear it, but then the lock is clicking open and Nico is looking at him like he’s an alien with three heads. 

“Hi, I’m—” Levi crosses his arms over his chest to try and chase some warmth by shoving his fingers into his armpits, “I was out running after my shift and it started to rain, and I was hoping I could just get a change of clothes. I didn’t want to bother you, but I just— I’m cold.” He finishes a little tiredly. 

Nico looks him over, eyebrows furrowed together. He looks more exhausted than Levi feels, “You were out running? Since when do you run?” 

At least Levi is in basketball shorts and sneakers, so it’s believable, but Levi doesn’t blame his confusion, “Just trying to work on my cardio.” He forces a weak laugh. Nico steps aside and lets Levi in, which comes as a massive relief. “I’m just gonna grab—” Levi is quick to open the closet and pull a sweater off the hanger, turning to get some dry pants from the drawer, “I’ll be quick.” He reminds Nico, because he doesn’t want to outstay this welcome. 

“Levi,—” Nico grabs his arm gently, “Jesus, your skin is freezing. Why don’t you take a bath, you can go home when the storm passes.” 

The idea of a bath nearly knocks Levi out and he can’t help but throw a longing glance at the bathroom, “I don’t want to—”

Nico makes a frustrated noise, quiet and nearly imperceptible, “Don’t do that. You’re my boyfriend, I’m not going to kick you out in the rain like some asshole, don’t treat me like I’m the villain in your life.” 

His words come with an edge sharper than Levi is ready for and he startles. “I’m not—” the rest of the explanation hangs there between them. _I didn’t want you to feel pressured to talk to me, or be around me, or love me_. It dies in Levi’s throat. Excuses, excuses, excuses, and none of them that Nico needs. He holds his clothes up weakly, “I’m just going to take a bath.” 

#

The water isn’t even that hot, but Levi is so cold that it burns his skin. He keeps his legs drawn up to his chest and wraps his arms around his legs. He’s so tired and he rests his forehead against his knees. His phone is sitting on the ledge of the tub, some song about missing someone when they taste tequila playing over the speaker, but he’s not really listening to it. 

“Are you having a pity party in here?” Nico spares him a glance when he pulls open a cabinet under the bathroom sink to get a can of shaving cream. 

Levi flinches and looks between him and the phone, “What? Oh— no, it’s just the radio, I didn’t go out of my way to—”

“It’s a joke, Levi.” Nico says with an edge of exhaustion. 

This is what they’ve become. Two people tip toeing around their frayed feelings and becoming increasingly more drained from it. Levi nods, “There’s a contest happening right now. Whoever calls in with the correct answer for how many hours people spend at red lights in their life, gets free tinting on their car.” 

“You don’t have a car.” Nico reminds him, turning on the sink. 

“Right,” Levi drags the tips of his fingers over the surface of the water, “But think of the wonders it would do to my ego if I won.” 

Nico huffs out what might be a laugh, and then they’re back to pretending to ignore each other. 

Levi opens his mouth, then closes it. He does it again a few more times, then finally says, “How are you?” 

Only it comes out at the same times that Nico leans his palms against the bathroom countertop and asks, “Why were you actually out running?” 

The music playing feels inappropriate now and Levi reaches over to wipe his hand off on his shirt in order to pause his phone. The question is so strange in the grand scheme of what’s been happening that Levi frowns and asks, “What?” 

Nico lets his head hang down, “Running. You have never gone running, why were you really out there. You don’t have to make excuses to talk to me, this is really immature. I don’t really—” Nico’s voice catches, and Levi could recognize the threat of tears anywhere now, “I don’t really know if this relationship is the best thing for you.” 

And now Levi is being broken up with while he has no clothes on. 

He draws his legs tighter to his body and blinks in an attempt to fight off the tears, but it doesn’t work. They slide, feverish over his cheeks, “Link told me I should do it.” 

Now it’s Nico’s turn to ask, “What?” 

“Running. He told me that it would be a good way to clear my head and think. I’m just trying to figure out how to be someone that you need.” Levi’s voice cuts out, and he bites the inside of his cheek hard enough to bleed. 

Nico practically slumps over, an obvious disappointment in the way he incorrectly read the situation, “I’m sorry I called you a failure.” It’s quiet. Simple. Genuine. 

“You weren’t wrong.” Levi has been failing at not failing, which seems an impressive feat all on its own, “I know that this is asking a lot, and you don’t owe me an education in relationships, but I need you to talk to me.” 

He glances over at Nico, wiping his tears on the back of his wrist. Nico huffs out a laugh and shakes his head, “Levi—”

“Not about Josh. This is the last time I’m going to interrupt you, I promise, and then after you can say whatever you want, and if you need me to leave and never talk to you again, I will.” He waits until Nico crosses his arms over his chest and watches him, “I need you to tell me what you need. To tell me how I can help you right now. If you want to talk about what happened, or the interview, if you just want me to listen while you yell or you cry. I can leave you alone, or I can distract you, I can try to do anything you need. I want to help you, Nico, but I don’t know how, and I’m fucking this all up trying to figure it out myself.” 

Nico kicks his foot across the other and sighs, “I don’t know how we work our way out of this one.” 

Levi shrugs, “Yeah, me either.” 

The silence seems infinite and when Nico looks up at him, his eyes are red rimmed, “You’re not a failure.” 

“Neither are you.”

Nico shuts his eyes, and a tear tracks down his face. It hurts, and Levi’s instinct is to start talking. To tell him that it’s okay and all of the platitudes that he means, but Nico doesn’t need to hear. It feels like catharsis too. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. “I still don’t want to talk about it. I still don’t know what I want to say.” He admits quietly. 

“That’s okay.” Levi rests his cheeks against his knees, “I love you.” 

He says it without expectation. Just a reminder for Nico to keep if it’ll make everything seem kinder, even in the smallest way. Nico watches him for a moment, and Levi turns his attentions back towards the water, until he hears a soft laugh. Almost a whisper of one, “You really aren’t going to say anything else, are you?” 

Levi wants to ask him what else he’s going to say. What words could possibly make this moment better. He pulls his shoulders up defensively and says, “Nope.” 

Nico makes his way over to the tub and kisses Levi on the temple, “Thank you.” 

It’s not the end of this. Levi still doesn’t have solutions, but it feels like a start, and he smiles— quiet and only for Nico.


End file.
